It’s HalloWEEKEND and candy corn, pumpkin carving and provocative costumes are upon us! I know that you think Halloween is supposed to give you the free pass to dress like your inner scandalous self but I will tell you, it is not.
I’ve compiled a little list for all you trick or treater’s on how to avoid a colossal Halloween fashion faux paw:
1. I know you think your skirt isn’t that short, but I can promise you it is. If you want to be a naughty cop, more power to you! Just pay attention to exactly how short your skirt really is and for your own sake and that of the people standing on the floor while you dance on the table, please wear underwear.
2. I know you have been dying to buy that American apparel body suit and think Halloween is the only time you can wear it but I’m going to be honest, there is never a time to wear it, so please let your little sister have it for her gymnastics competition.
3. Most likely you are not the same size you were freshman year (if you are, mazel tov!) for all you other late night Domino’s pizza lovers, please buy your costume in your size, it would truly be a fashion faux pas to show up in a costume that is several sizes too small.
4. A Halloween costume disaster is usually the consequence for waiting too long to plan a costume. Here’s a hint: just because your blonde 5-foot roommate is willing to lend you her playboy bunny costume from last year on short notice, does not mean you should wear it.
5. Remember: if it doesn’t look good in the mirror, it doesn’t mean it will look good in Umbria’s dark lighting.
6. Just because you have them, doesn’t mean you have to flaunt them. You never want to risk pulling a Janet Jackson, circa 2004.
7. Dressing up in the same colors does not make a costume. Oh and Snooki, a tiara still doesn’t help me to understand who you are.
8. 80’s is never a good costume idea. But if you decide to go for Jennifer Beals Flashdance style, I warn you, Nylons are not tights, they are see through. Apparently Lilo didn’t get the message.
9. If you think Halloween is just an excuse to wear lingerie then I am your wake up call. It is not. If I can’t be a wake up call to you, maybe this girl can.
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